The issue of breastfeeding in public has been on my heart for a while now. I haven't written about it for two reasons - firstly because I honestly have not had the courage to do so, and secondly because there are thousands of articles, debates, forums, groups, movements, you name it...that focus on this same issue. However I am realizing that it doesn't really matter what people may think of me after this post, nor does it matter that there are countless writings on it, because I have something valuable to say!
About three months ago I came across a beautiful picture on Facebook of a Ugandan woman and her baby breastfeeding while working in the fields. I loved this picture, as there was something about it that was so special...it was not posed or forced, but rather merely a woman and a baby doing what is perfectly natural to them. I commented on it saying, "I love this picture, it reminds me of growing up in Ngangelizwe, Umtata, where I was exposed to breast feeding as a natural and beautiful act, not in the least bit offensive." There were in fact hundreds of comments for this picture by women from all over the world. One woman said, "Lucky her, I wish we American mamas had the freedom that mamas in Africa have." What an incredibly ironic statement in so many ways!
One of the ironies is that I too, as an African mama living in a more developed and sophisticated African town than my humble Ngangelizwe township, wish for the same freedom. In most African cultures including my Xhosa culture it has always been acceptable to breastfeed a baby anywhere, anytime and in front of anyone. No movements, forums or pro-breast feeding mommy groups needed to encourage and support it, just a natural thing. But sadly, it seems the more "educated" and "sophisticated" we are becoming, the less acceptable feeding a baby the natural way in public is becoming!
A few months before I gave birth to Olivia, I was walking around in the local mall. I walked past a woman who looked like she might have travelled from a more rural area outside of town. She was feeding her baby whilst seated on one of the benches, with no fancy "nursing cover" or anything of the sort. One of the workers in the mall walked up to her and kindly directed her to the mall's baby feeding room, which was really more like a corner in the toilet. I offered to help this woman carry her bags, and as we were walking to the baby room she was utterly confused as to what had just happened - totally innocent and unaware of how different raising a baby in the city is from raising a baby in a township or rural area. Welcome to "sophistication" lady!
I was having tea with a friend in my home one day when our domestic helper witnessed me fighting a kicking Olivia, trying to keep a nursing cover over her as I fed her. When my friend left she was so curious to find out why I would "hide" a feeding baby, and it led to a long and interesting discussion. I'll never forget some of the wise words she shared with me that day: "Your baby always comes first, and sometimes that means respecting her needs above respecting your friend"s culture".
I'm not writing this post to prove some point or fight for some cause, and neither do I have a hidden agenda. I'm just simply sharing something that's been on my heart for a long time. I don't have anything against nursing covers, in fact I'm a sucker for covers with pretty designs and details - the very gift I asked my hubby to get for me for my baby shower! And neither do I have any negative feelings about designated baby changing and feeding rooms in malls and restaurants. I use them all the time, and as long as they are in decent shape and in a convenient spot, I would choose nursing comfortably in the room over doing so in a crowded and busy mall. I also appreciate that the owners and managers of these places invest not only in the paying customers but in families as a whole. And most of all, I certainly have nothing against mothers who would rather breast feed their babies in a more private environment.
All I am saying is, just like the American mama thousands of miles away from where I am, I too would love to feel free...free to choose where, when and how I would like to feed my baby...free to enjoy the most intimate, beautiful and natural way of nurturing my baby without fearing to cause offense to anyone...free to put my baby's needs before those of a stranger or even a friend!
