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"A photo of my child, once a week, every week, in 2013"

Dear Olivia, 

Your Daddy is my greatest hero too! God picked you and I to have the strongest and most handsome man in the whole world!

Love,

Mama

The Weekend

1. She is getting more and more comfortable with the walker. I must admit, I can't wait for this little girlie to be walking around by herself. Maybe, just maybe she'll want her space to explore and cling less onto mama's hip.

2. She enjoyed this meal so much on Friday evening, gobbled it up in a dash. I gave her the same on Saturday for supper, she wouldn't even taste it! Oh dear!

3. Ever so excited and enthusiastic little shopper, just like mama.

4. & 5. Olivia + bucket of water = FUN! FUN! FUN!

6. Her new favourite meal, a bowl of peas. She LOVES them!

I hope you had a sweet, sweet weekend too. xoxo

Just you and me

This week has been quite an adventure, sweet in some ways, but not without a hint of different tastes other than sweetness (if you know what I mean). My awesome Mr. Man, Olivia's amazing Daddy has been out of the country on a work trip. So we've been flying solo, just me and my sweet Caramel. We usually get a friend or one of my sisters to come stay with us when he's away, but this time I felt like experiencing "just the two of us".

It has been fine for the most part. Actually, Olivia has been suprsingly and amazingly calm. I must admit I had predicted that I would be going to bed so tired after a day of carrying around a whopping 10 kg "bag" around with me as she is usually glued onto my hip, back or chest when I get back from work midday, but it hasn't been too bad at all. She even allows me to put her down on the bathroom floor while I___!

I had also foreseen an exhausted me waking up in the mornings to get ready for work, wishing for more sleep after a night of the 4 to 5 wake-ups that we have been used to the past few months. Nope! This not so long ago sleep deprived mama has been enjoying some good quality sleep. Olivia has been sleeping for about 9 to 12 hours straight, just slightly waking up once to have her pacifier put back in. This is a testimony worthy of its own blog post. I will share the details later. Whether this good-sleep season lasts a few more days, weeks, months or whatever, I am making sure to enjoy it!

We miss him, his random laughter in the middle of sentences, his tickles, his presence, his warmth and of course his strong arms. As I was working on his computer sitting in his office chair with Olivia on my lap, she started looking around this familiar space with the look on her face she usually has when we are in a new place. I wondered what was going on in her head. I wondered if she noticed that we are in Daddy's space and he is not there. I remembered that her Daddy had sent her text hugs, kisses and tickles, so I gave them to her at that moment.

Her Daddy is coming back in a few days. I will have my hubby back with me in less than a week. There are millions of women whose husbands or partners are gone forever like my mother who singlehandedly raised 4 children. Millions of children like myself who grow up in homes without fathers. I do not know what it's like to be a single mother, but I know too well what it's like being a fatherless child, the questions, the pain anger and resentment. I am so grateful that I can hold my sweet Caramel and say to her, "Your Daddy will be back sweetheart."

Confessions of a chocolate mama - breastfeeding in public

The issue of breastfeeding in public has been on my heart for a while now. I haven't written about it for two reasons - firstly because I honestly have not had the courage to do so, and secondly because there are thousands of articles, debates, forums, groups, movements, you name it...that focus on this same issue. However I am realizing that it doesn't really matter what people may think of me after this post, nor does it matter that there are countless writings on it, because I have something valuable to say!

About three months ago I came across a beautiful picture on Facebook of a Ugandan woman and her baby breastfeeding while working in the fields. I loved this picture, as there was something about it that was so special...it was not posed or forced, but rather merely a woman and a baby doing what is perfectly natural to them.  I commented on it saying, "I love this picture, it reminds me of growing up in Ngangelizwe, Umtata, where I was exposed to breast feeding as a natural and beautiful act, not in the least bit offensive."  There were in fact hundreds of comments for this picture by women from all over the world. One woman said, "Lucky her, I wish we American mamas had the freedom that mamas in Africa have." What an incredibly ironic statement in so many ways! 

One of the ironies is that I too, as an African mama living in a more developed and sophisticated African town than my humble Ngangelizwe township, wish for the same freedom. In most African cultures including my Xhosa culture it has always been acceptable to breastfeed a baby anywhere, anytime and in front of anyone. No movements, forums or pro-breast feeding mommy groups needed to encourage and support it, just a natural thing. But sadly, it seems the more "educated" and "sophisticated" we are becoming, the less acceptable feeding a baby the natural way in public is becoming!

A few months before I gave birth to Olivia, I was walking around in the local mall. I walked past a woman who looked like she might have travelled from a more rural area outside of town. She was feeding her baby whilst seated on one of the benches, with no fancy "nursing cover" or anything of the sort. One of the workers in the mall walked up to her and kindly directed her to the mall's baby feeding room, which was really more like a corner in the toilet. I offered to help this woman carry her bags, and as we were walking to the baby room she was utterly confused as to what had just happened - totally innocent and unaware of how different raising a baby in the city is from raising a baby in a township or rural area. Welcome to "sophistication" lady! 

I was having tea with a friend in my home one day when our domestic helper witnessed me fighting a kicking Olivia, trying to keep a nursing cover over her as I fed her. When my friend left she was so curious to find out why I would "hide" a feeding baby, and it led to a long and interesting discussion. I'll never forget some of the wise words she shared with me that day: "Your baby always comes first, and sometimes that means respecting her needs above respecting your friend"s culture". 

I'm not writing this post to prove some point or fight for some cause, and neither do I have a hidden agenda. I'm just simply sharing something that's been on my heart for a long time. I don't have anything against nursing covers, in fact I'm a sucker for covers with pretty designs and details - the very gift I asked my hubby to get for me for my baby shower! And neither do I have any negative feelings about designated baby changing and feeding rooms in malls and restaurants. I use them all the time, and as long as they are in decent shape and in a convenient spot, I would choose nursing comfortably in the room over doing so in a crowded and busy mall. I also appreciate that the owners and managers of these places invest not only in the paying customers but in families as a whole. And most of all, I certainly have nothing against mothers who would rather breast feed their babies in a more private environment. 

All I am saying is, just like the American mama thousands of miles away from where I am, I too would love to feel free...free to choose where, when and how I would like to feed my baby...free to enjoy the most intimate, beautiful and natural way of nurturing my baby without fearing to cause offense to anyone...free to put my baby's needs before those of a stranger or even a friend!

Melting moments

By Scott Worley

Perhaps Psalm 8 says it best…From the mouths of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength.  I love this verse, yet only very recently have I begun to truly understand why, as I’ve seen it lived out.

I still vividly remember that day in August 2009 when I was visiting my parents in the US.  I knew it was the right time to share the news that I was seeing someone in South Africa, that she was in fact the love of my life, that I wanted to ask her to marry me, that I wanted to bring her home that Christmas to meet them…and that she is Xhosa.  Whew, quite a lot to take in I’m sure!  I knew it would be a difficult conversation, challenging in so many ways considering such a seeming ocean of racial and cultural difference with so many accompanying fears and concerns.  What might we experience as an interracial couple in South Africa of all places, with its still recent troubled past?  What might our children thus go through as they grow up?  What might other family and friends think?    Would all of our seemingly extreme differences create more trouble than happiness in the long run?  Yet as much as all this was to take in, bless their heart, mom and dad felt my own heart in the matter, loved me and gave me their blessing to invite Yolanda into our home. 

The result?  All that fear largely fell away the moment everyone met.  My parents and all their friends loved Yolanda!  (Really, who in their right mind wouldn’t?)  And a mere few months later, there we all were together again, this time in East London, as different families and nations and cultures all came together under one roof to celebrate our wedding!  What an exhilarating feeling, on top of everything else that glorious day, to see God at work, transforming former separation into newfound unity and paving the way toward new unforeseen horizons of possibility.  I had stepped out in faith, acting on God’s voice in my heart, and my family and friends I grew up with were somehow experiencing enrichment in their own lives as a result.

Well just last week I have experienced yet another milestone on this journey, as mom and dad came to visit us and to meet their beautiful granddaughter Olivia for the first time!  Their arrival at the airport was utterly surreal, as I watched them reach out and embrace her…family meeting family, shared blood converging from across the world and across generations, young gazing in wonderment upon old, old teary eyed and beaming with smiles upon young.  Labels based on perceived differences, which tragically control and imprison so many in our world, had no place here.  There was only love and joy and celebration and thanksgiving at this beautiful, innocent new life, our perfect gift from God.  As a result, mom and dad are simply proud grandparents anew yet again (my brother and his wife have three children already!).  They now have first-hand experience with Olivia’s unconditionally loving way, not to mention her unending cuteness and the utterly undoing beauty in her eyes, which she inherited from mommy.

So did Olivia have to strain and struggle and strive, meeting with top level global advisors and devising complex socioeconomic strategies, in order to overcome such a world of societal boundary lines and separation?  No.  She simply was…who God made her to be. 

And this love has opened up a universe of new dimension and possibility in my parents’ lives, as they have been brought closer…and closer…and closer still to the heart of God, with enhanced understanding of His love for all His children.  This will in turn positively affect how they continue to live, and undoubtedly all those whose lives they touch - making the world a more beautiful place where differences are increasingly embraced, celebrated and ultimately shared, rather than pushed away, judged and condemned.  THIS is nothing short of miraculous, and comes from a source far stronger in power than the best laid plans of mice and men.

From the mouths of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength… 

Our beloved 8-month-old Olivia…what strengths could such a baby possibly have that can change the entire world?  Well, for starters she is a daughter of the most-high God, a unifier, a reconciler, a peace maker, a bridge builder, a love giver, an identity proclaimer, a horizon expander, a life celebrator, and a heart melter…

Yes, go ahead, I dare you…Gaze into her eyes, let her draw you in, and let the pure colours of her love melt your heart.  Then look within the resulting puddle, behold your own reflection and see more clearly who God has made you to be!